


Love You More

by sleepyblinders



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: By Order of the Peaky Blinders Fic Exchange 2019, F/M, Gangs, Secretaries, Slice of Life, job hunting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 18:15:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18504412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyblinders/pseuds/sleepyblinders
Summary: Alfie meets a secretary working for Darby Sabini at a race, and can't help but like her.A fic for the "By Order of the Peaky Blinders Fic Exchange 2019)





	Love You More

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xxdearlybeloved](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxdearlybeloved/gifts).



> In my head this story was a multi-chaptered fic, that would probably take me a year to write. but of course, i couldn't do that. so this is a condensed version of what i had planned before i realized i had gotten way too ahead of myself. hope you enjoy!

“Stop pressing your nose there,” Emilia’s sister, Elizabeth, chastised her. They stood in front of a dress shop in the middle of Camden Town. They had just left the synagogue and were meant to be going to a bakery near their home, but Emilia had stopped them in front of the dress shop so she could ogle her eyes at the deep blue satin dress displayed in the window. Emilia had not failed to stop and stare at the same dress whenever she passed by the dress shop. 

 

“I’m not pressing my nose anywhere,” Emilia knitted her eyebrows together, annoyed with her sister. She took a moment to gaze at the dress again. The dress had been sitting in the window for quite some time now. Emilia only knew how expensive it was just by the look of the fabric. She never had the heart to go inside and check for herself, it would shatter her dream. She tapped her finger lightly against the glass, pushed her short dark hair out of her face and turned to her sister. Elizabeth looked unamused, with her arms crossed in front of her chest. “Do you think Eben would buy me this dress?” It didn’t hurt to ask. 

 

She had no idea what she would wear the dress too, but just having it in her closet, knowing that she could feel the satin of the dress between her fingers whenever she liked was good enough for her; even if she had nowhere to wear it to. 

 

“No chance, Eben is not going to buy you a dress any time soon. He just gave you allowance not to long ago,” Emilia knew she was right. “Besides, don’t you think that dress is a little, I don’t know, extravagant? Maybe too glamorous?” Emilia frowned for a moment before she got her wits together again.

 

“Even if it’s so glamorous as you say, what makes it out of our league. I could wear it, you could too.” 

 

“We could, except we can’t afford it, Mia.” Elizabeth put her hand on Emilia’s shoulder and pulled her away from the window. They began to walk away, on the familiar path to the bakery. “Why don’t you try to get yourself a job if you’re so enamoured with that dress? Then you can buy yourself whatever you like and you won’t have to ask for Eben’s permission.” 

 

Eben was their older brother, the head of the family after their father died when Emilia was still in school. Eben worked with leather, he was a shoemaker who worked long hours and still just made enough money to keep the house their parents had owned and to support his two adult sisters. Elizabeth had a job, it didn’t pay her much but she still had a job. She worked for a seamstress and would sew buttons back on to shirts or holes closed shut. They both had jobs and Emilia didn’t, she was already twenty-three and still dependent on her older brother. 

 

“I should get a job shouldn’t I. It’ll be hard, how many people would like to hire an unskilled woman? not many I believe.”

 

“Well you have to start somewhere,” Emilia already had it in her mind that she would spend the next down in town looking for a job to support her newfound dream of owning that incredibly dress. It was a small dream, but still, one she believed she could achieve. 

——————

Emilia went into town the next day with a purpose. She had her prettiest blouse on and a skirt that just passed the knee. It was a bit short but it was enough to make a statement, enough to say that she was a young girl, a working girl. 

 

She walked around the market, the tailors, a pub, the synagogue, a post office, a rich ladies home, and still she had no job or even the hope that she would even find one that day. She continued her walk around town, her arms folded at her chest, and her handbag dangling from it. It was well past mid-day, nearing supper. She was ready to go home, ready to call it quits for the day to wallow in her failure and to lie down on her bed in despair. She kicked a few pebbles from the sidewalk out of her way, as she travelled aimlessly. She huffed a sigh of annoyance, as she looked at the ground. 

 

“Hey, watch what–” Emilia stumbled for a moment, but a man grabbed her quickly by the arm before she slipped backward. She looked the man right in the eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, I should have been looking. I–” The man smiled at her, it seemed so out of place, maybe even slimy, but he looked expensive. His suit was freshly pressed, his hat had a shine that looked new. 

 

“No, don’t trouble yourself. What has you so troubled?” 

 

“I–Well, I’m just–” what it even be okay to tell him? Emilia did it anyway, maybe he’d have advice for her. “I’m looking for a job, and so far I’ve had not much luck.”

 

“Is that so?” He says with a grin on his face, I didn’t see why my misfortune made him so happy. He looked back at one of the men he was with, “As it happens, I’m looking for a secretary, to do secretarial things, in my business.”

 

“Really?” Emilia smiles, feeling her luck come back to her. “I’d be great for the job, well I’m not the fastest at typing, but I can learn I promise!” Emilia speaks so quickly it almost becomes a jumble. Sabini chuckles a laugh at her eccentrics. 

 

“Come by the office tomorrow, and we’ll test out your skills. Then we’ll see if you’re a good match for the office.”

 

“Oh thank you so much, mister…” she realized that she hadn’t even asked his name.

 

“Darby Sabini, and you are?”

 

“Emilia Meisel,” she shook his extended hand. They exchanged information, and then Emilia took her time to walk home to finally finish off her day the way she had initially intended.

 

* * *

 

Emilia went to the given address the next day at noon to begin her testing. Everything seemed well and even looked rather stable until Sabini laid out the terms and job details in front of her. 

 

“So, the job doesn’t always entail sitting at a desk,” he took a side look at the man that sat just behind him. What was that look, cunning? Emilia forced herself not to look worried, she thought maybe she was overthinking it, she was hoping.

 

“What are the details then? I don’t mind any errand work really.” She was cool, collected, she even fooled herself.

 

“Good, I’ll have you working here in the office for a while but soon I’ll have you out at the race tracks, or boxing matches, whichever is going on.” She still didn’t know the details, but Mr. Sabini seemed sure of himself.

 

Days went by while Emilia almost worked as a full-time secretary for Mr. Sabini. It took her by the second day to realize what her job truly was, what kind of man her boss was as well. 

 

At first, she thought she should be scared, she knew that Camden was riddled with gang activity, though she didn’t work in Camden, she worked in the district over. She thought maybe these gangs didn’t care about territories, and Mr. Sabini hadn’t done anything frightening to her just yet. 

 

Emilia walked home from work that evening with her life on her mind. She kept reminding herself that her life had been rather slow and uninteresting for quite some time and a woman her age should be open to spontaneity, besides it wasn’t like she was married or in any kind of relationship to hold her down to anything. 

 

She knew that now that she had shown her skills to Mr. Sabini and that he was comfortable with her working for him. Still, she already knew that part of the reason he had hired her was that he wanted to keep face and look far more official then what he was. He didn’t seem much like she would have thought a gangster to be like. He had raised his voice in front of her of course, but nothing else. It confused her a bit, but she knew that she couldn’t tell Elizabeth or Eben.

 

She would walk into their house, and they would ask her how her day at work had been, and Emilia would give them the same answer as yesterday, ‘just fine,’ and then she would travel up the stairs and take her day clothes off in the bathroom and sink her body into a tub full of hot water. She’d sit there for a long while until Elizabeth would coming knocking at the door telling her that she had spent far too long in the bathroom and that she needed to get out. She would then travel to her bedroom then, with nothing but a towel to cover up her nude body and then she would either sit on the body staring blankly and the wooden panelling of the wall, and the way the pattern of the wallpaper seemed to dance when she looked at it too long, or she stand in front of her bedroom window, clutching her towel to her chest and watch as the street lamps would turn on and the people would walk themselves back into their homes.

 

A knock came at her door.

 

“Yes?” Emilia called.

 

“It’s just me,” Elizabeth opened the door, not even hesitating as she noticed that Emilia wasn’t even dressed. She moved to sit down on Emilia’s bed and then continued the conversation she came to have. “Are you feeling alright? You’ve–you seem different.”

 

Emilia pressed her lips together, it was because she was keeping a secret to save her job, her paycheck. “I’m fine, just tired.” She wasn’t lying completely. “I don’t really want to move that much once I’ve seen my bed and have cleaned up.” 

Emilia knew that as soon as she told Elizabeth or Eben that she worked for a well-known gangster that they would have her quit her job, that it would be safer if she didn’t work for him, and bring less trouble to her. 

 

Which was relatively true, but she was willing to risk it because of the pretty paycheck that was given to her every week. Maybe her motives were a little selfish, but she didn’t want to admit it just yet, it was all temporary to her anyway. 

 

“I think I’ll be able to buy that dress soon. The one I showed you a few days ago, remember the one in the window?”

 

“You’re really going to buy that old thing?”

 

“What! It’s not old, it’s new and glamorous and it’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a dress.”

 

“Don’t you think that dress will give off the wrong impression? Where would you even wear it too?”

 

Emilia frowned at her sister, whenever Emilia had any remotely scandalous ideas Elizabeth was always quick to second guess her. Emilia hardly ever meant to be scandalous, but sometimes it just came out that way. 

“What impression?” Emilia wasn’t really in the mood for her sister's judgment. “I could go to one of those nightclubs that keep popping up around the city, or I could go on a date, I don’t know. The world is mine to explore.” Emilia was being dramatic on purpose. 

 

“Alright, whatever you say. Just–you know–be safe.” Elizabeth got up from Emilia’s bed and stood by her bedroom door as if she were trying to share something she didn’t want to. She lingered for a moment before she spoke up, looking at Emilia carefully. “Eben told me that there were some men that tried to get him to pay money to a gang.”

 

“A gang?” Emilia sounded worried.

 

“Yeah, a Jewish one surprisingly. You’d think a Jewish gang would want to take care of their own.”

 

Emilia wanted to sigh in relief, but she couldn’t without exposing herself. As long as it wasn’t Mr. Sabini, she thought. “What happened though? Is Eben okay? Did they take his money?” Emilia was already ready to chip in money for their weekly expenses if it came to it, she didn’t really need the dress anyway. 

 

“Eben’s okay, they didn’t take the money. Eben thinks they just wanted to know if he would work with them. He says they’ll probably try to see him again.”

“That still doesn’t sound good.”

 

“I know,” she tried to smile but it came out strained. “But he’ll figure it out.” Elizabeth then left the room, shutting the door behind her. Guilt was the first thing she felt as soon as her sister left the room. Eben was struggling with gangsters, and Emilia was working for one. What were the odds?

 

Emilia put her night clothes on and then went to bed, she had a lot to think about before she could close her eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

Mr. Sabini sent Emilia out on her first field job with a notepad and pencil in her handbag. She was meant to write down the results of a race going on that day at Epsom. She had to take down common bets, what the gossip and chatter was like surrounding the game, and any sort of sway a horse could have on the next race to come.

 

She was alone doing work that day. Mr. Sabini said she would look less conspicuous if she went alone, instead of making one of his men accompany her for assistance and protection. Emilia was glad of it, it would only make her more uncomfortable if one of Sabini’s gangster followed her around throughout the racetrack stands.

 

When she returned to the office a woman with short bobbed brown hair and green eyes in a navy blue dress was leaving the office with some sheets of paper in her hands. Emilia walked to the back office and dropped her notes on a man named Rafael’s desk.

 

“Afternoon,” she greeted as she noticed Mr. Sabini in the room with Rafael. They both greeted her back while Rafael took Emilia’s notes.

 

“Who was that?” Emilia pointed to the door, where the woman had just left.

 

“We’re hiring again,” Rafael spoke.

 

“Replacing me already?” Emilia smiled, she felt lucky that she was able to joke with them despite them being gangster, despite all the stories she heard.

 

“There’s more work coming in, and we can’t spread you thin.” Mr. Sabini answered.

 

“So, I’m getting a partner then?”

 

“Yeah sort of, but we're still looking through secretaries. I’ll give you a bigger job soon.” Rafael answered this time as he looked at the numbers on

 

“Alright, well I’m done for the day, see you all tomorrow.” And with that, she left the office for the night.

 

* * *

 

 

Another few days went by and Emilia was back at Epsom. Again all alone, with a routine and purpose. She walked down the stands as the sun toasted her almost bare shoulders. Her hat was fastened securely on her head, and her short hair did the best it could to shade her neck. The days at the racetracks weren’t always so long, but today there was a delay with the horses.

 

Emilia had left the betting stands, got herself a well-deserved drink and was now looking for somewhere to sit. She’s strategic about where she sits because she knows that that is what she needs to be strategic and smart. Why else would have Mr. Sabini hired her anyway if it wasn’t for that? Even if she did doubt herself sometimes, he must have seen some potential in her.

 

Emilia took a seat just behind a group of people who were waiting for the race. She had no one sat next to her on her left and it made for a good path to leave quickly if she really needed it, and she hoped she wouldn’t. She straightened the skirt of her dress, and then sat down. She put one crook of her leg on top of her knee and sat comfortably with her notepad and pencil in hand.

 

More time passed as she sat down, and soon she was using her notepad to fan her face from the summer heat. A man with a stocky build and rather tall hat sat down next to her, he rested his cane against the bench between them. He took a look at her, gave her a blank stare and for a moment all Emilia could sense was intimidation, that he didn’t want to be looked at, talked to or whispered about. But her body relax, she would have thought at a moment like this that her hands would have tightened into fists or clenched on to her skirt or notebook, but she sighed. The race still had not started and she could see from where she sat that the horses were already where they needed to be, and yet nothing.

 

She took another peek at the man next to her and noticed the shawl around his neck and the way it laid on his chest. ‘He must be hot under all that clothes’ she first thought, but it brought her a little comfort to know that he was Jewish.

 

“You’ve been ‘ere long?” The man next to her spoke in a tone she had not expected from the look of him. It sent a chill down her spine, one that she would think about again. She couldn’t answer, for a moment she thought she had gone mute just by looking at him. “S’all right, lovely.” She looked up into his face and she could feel the heat prickle at her cheeks when she looked him in his blue-green eyes. He had taken his cane away from between him and had moved closer, still not touching, but so close she knew that his proximity meant he was interested in her. “You’re familiar,” he said looking unsure. He looked away from Emilia, only to look back at the man behind him who was much taller than him too. They were both Jewish she noticed, she was relatively safe, as safe as she could be in a place as unpredictable as a racetrack.

 

“I, well, I don’t think we’ve met.” Emilia started feeling her hands get sweaty as she began to hold them together tightly above her notepad.

 

The man behind him whispered something into his ear, and the man sat next to her stood up. He motioned for her to follow him up the stairs. And as much as her brain told her not too, she did anyway. He bent his arm at his elbow and motioned for her to take his arm. She hooked her hand on the crook of his elbow and he began to walk with her down further into the stands.

 

He leaned down into her ear as they took careful steps down the stands. His whisper was warm and brought a sensation that sent shivers down her spine, a sensation she could get drunk off of.

 

“You shouldn’t be here all alone lovely, some man might snatch you up and you’ll never be seen again.” He had a sort of chastising look about him, but when she would look him in the eyes she couldn’t help but smile at him.

 

“Is this what you're doing now? Or are you really warning me?” she grinned as she stifled a laugh. For all, she knew he could be kidnapping her, but he just seemed so charming and she’d never seen a man like him before.

 

“Well, I could be. But if I was, you shouldn’t be smilin’ all pretty like that, that’s dangerous, that is.”

 

“Should I not smile then?”

 

“Just for me,” he grinned at her. “smile just for me.”

 

“I don’t even know your name,” Emilia lifted her chin at him.

 

“Names aren’t important,”

 

“Don’t tell your mother, she took the time to pick something for you, something you’d have forever.”Emilia looked to the track, she could see the horses and their riders getting ready on the other end of the track, ‘finally’ she thought.

 

“What’s your name?” he asked, avoiding her previous question.

 

“Emilia Meisel,” she looked him in the eyes again and realized it was the source of her sudden weakness, the heat in her limbs, the prickling in her cheeks. He stuck his hand out for her to shake, and she shook it at once, she took the moment to feel the roughness of his hand and the difference in size to her own.

 

“Alfie Solomons,” her eyes widened slightly when he spoke his name. She had heard the stories before, a gangster from her neck of the woods, a Jewish man too. From the shopgirl in the dress shop, the granny at the kosher market, the ladies at the synagogue, from her own brother, Eben. Could he really be Alfie Solomons? It didn’t matter much to her if he was, she was already intrigued no matter what his name was, no matter his reputation. A crooked smile appeared on her face. The whole thought of mister Alfie Solomons being the man her brother was being hounded by escaping her mind.

 

“Are you really? Or are you just teasing me?” He looked at her confused for a moment, and then decided to play along, she knew that he was.

 

“What? Could a man like me not be Alfie Solomons?”

 

“Well, you’re a lot more handsome then I’d thought you’d be.” It was a lot more flirtatious than she should be, then she had even expected herself to be. She was unchaperoned after all, this was dangerous territory for an unmarried girl of her age. He flashed her a grin that made her shoulders heat up more then she could handle from the already blistering sun.

 

They got another drink together and then moved back to the stands. They watched the race together, and Emilia relished in his company, not just any other male would do, she knew that no one could compare to him. She already knew it. It almost saddened her, she knew that Eben and Elizabeth would never approve, and Alfie Solomons was probably not even interested in a young inexperienced girl, someone unchaperoned, someone who looked like her maybe.

 

She pushed the thought aside and continued to watch the race next to this enigma of a man.

 

When it ended, Emilia picked herself up from the bench where she sat. She was meaning to make her way back to the stairs, but as Alfie stood up too, he blocked her way. He stood in front of her, looking at her intently. His hat cast a shadow on his face, he looked more mysterious this way, like a puzzle. She had always liked solving puzzles, maybe that’s why she liked him.

 

“When can I see you again?” he says.

 

“Again?” Emilia looked astonished for a moment, but it was only because she had already set herself up for this being the only time she would see him. “You want to see me again?” She sounded more playful now, another wave excitement bubbling up inside her.

 

“I know a nice Jewish girl might need permission to see a man like me,” he raised an eyebrow for a moment. “I could wait.”

 

“Hey, how’d you know I’m Jewish?”

 

“I can tell, the way you talk and walk, I like it.”

 

“Maybe I’m not as Jewish as you think,.

 

“I could find out, if you see me again, with permission of course.”

 

“You don’t need it, I’ll see you again.” Emilia put her notepad and pencil inside her handbag and place it on her shoulder.

 

“Just like that? You’re not going to ask your mother or father,” she tried not to look obvious, the only person she could ask was Eben and she already knew his answer.

 

“No, no, it’s complicated. And just like that, you’ll call on me again.”

 

“I will.” They exchanged information and he stepped out of her way and watched her leave. Emilia couldn’t believe what had happened. Was she fated to meet Alfie that day? She couldn’t stop thinking about him on her way home, she just couldn’t.

 

Days had passed after that meeting and she hoped to see him again, even if on accident because still, he had not called for her. Everything about him, she did well to memorize every bit of him. She couldn’t understand why he affected her so much, but by then she didn’t care that he did. She was so incredibly infatuated by him.

 

* * *

 

 

Emilia lied down in bed one night, Alfie was on her mind again. She wondered about him, what he was doing, and why he hadn’t called yet, or if he was ever going to call at all. She thought of her job that was still a secret to Eben and Elizabeth. She thought about Mr. Sabini and her promotion and how her promotion had helped her meet Alfie.

 

She wondered now if Sabini had set her up with the job to meet Alfie on purpose, she had no experience working in an office and still, he had hired her, was it out of the kindness of his heart or because he needed her for something else? All the other women she saw go through the office always looked so professional and always cared a stack of papers with them. She wasn’t like that, and still, she had gotten the job.

 

Emilia thought about whether she was overthinking it. It was late, and the house was quiet and dark, and all she could hear was the ticking of the grandfather clock on the first floor. She willed her self to sleep because she knew that if she stayed up any longer even crazier ideas would pop into her head.

 

* * *

 

The next morning Emilia took her time to get up from bed. She didn’t have to go to work and she was planning a day to pamper herself after all the mind games she had played on herself the night before. She was in the centre of Camden Town in front of the dress shop, staring at the deep blue satin dress in the window. She tapped her window against the glass expectantly. She could afford it this time. She moved toward the front door, the one she had stopped herself from entering so many times, as someone gently took her by her elbow and spun her carefully so she wouldn’t fall.

 

She blinked at the person in front of her for a moment, when she realized that she had been staring too long, and he had noticed how flustered she had become.

 

“Are you looking for a dress?” Alfie said to her.

 

“Not looking really, I know what I’m getting,” Emilia said confused with herself. She had dreamt of the next time she would see him again but she was hoping that next time would be on a date with him and not so much by accident like this. It felt far more awkward this way, she didn’t know where she stood with him because of that fact.

 

Emilia motioned toward the dress she was getting in the window. Not caring what his reaction would be to it, she had worked so long for the money, and she had wanted to dress for far longer.

 

“Where will you wear it too?” he asked. She hadn’t expected that question, and she was sort of taken aback by it.

 

“Well, I don’t know yet actually.”

 

“Why don’t you wear it for when we go out tomorrow night?” As soon as the words left Alfie’s lips, Emilia knew to calm herself. She had waited so long and now that he was here in front of her he decided to ask, she wasn’t buying it.

 

“Hmmm,” she purred, slightly unamused.

 

“What’s that,” he says looking at her with a smirk on his face and an eyebrow raised.

 

“Thought you might have forgotten to call, but now that you’ve seen me here out-and-about you decide it’s a good time to ask me out.” Emilia did her best to look uninterested, but she had a feeling that Alfie could see right through it.

 

“I thought about it, but I remembered what you said. About your family, about how it was ‘er complicated. I thought it best not to call directly, as to save you the trouble of course.”

 

“Oh why thank you, sweet and oh-so-kind gentleman.” Emilia couldn’t help the smile on her face.

 

“Oh come now, Emilia,” she had never thought about this side of him. He seemed so young and yet so much older than she. He chuckled lightly before he spoke again. “Will you see me tomorrow or not?”

 

“I will,” she says, with her chin higher than usual. “And I will wear this dress,” she points to the one in the window. “And you’ll pick me up at six at my doorstep. No need to come inside, I’ll come to you.” Alfie rubbed the side of his beard with the back of his hands littered with thick gold rings.

 

“I’ll do that. And I’ll buy that dress for you.” He points to the dress in the window and winks at no one in particular. I raise my eyebrows at him.

 

“Oh no, you won’t. I worked hard for the last month to afford this dress.”

 

“Well, at least let me barter for you.” Emilia pressed her lips together and thought about it. She didn’t know what Alfie would do as soon as he entered the shop, the shop she had never entered before. But she agreed anyway and nodded at him. She took his arm, and they walked into the shop looking like a couple already.

 

* * *

 

 

Emilia sat in front of her vanity, in her satin blue dress and her long, dark, and sequined shawl. Her hair was pinned back as elegantly as she could make it, and she had one ring on her right hand along with the necklace her father had gifted her as a girl.

 

She put a bit of rouge on her lips and looked herself in the mirror. She stared for a moment and wondered if what she was doing was okay. It seemed to her as if she had surrounded herself with gangsters in a blink of an eye. And still, nothing horrible had happened.

 

She was being selfish, she knew it. But still, she had never indulged in herself before, and now that so much had changed she was willing to risk it all. Risk it all for a man?

 

No, she had begun her gambling stint when she had gotten the job and then kept it.

 

Eben would be furious, and Elizabeth would be worse.

 

But still, she had gotten herself ready and now she was walking herself down the stairs and into the living room. She made sure that no one would ask her questions and walked around the house as quietly as she could. Eben was in the bath and Elizabeth in the kitchen. It was the most opportune moment. Emilia snuck out the front door, and as Alfie had promised he was there. He was waiting in front of a motorcar his cane against the ground, both hands on top of the handle.

 

He was dressed for the night, in a way she hadn’t seen him before. He cleaned up rather well. Emilia couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear as she looked him up and down.

 

“Amazing, Beautiful,” he says as looked at her too.

 

“Thank you, I did my best.” Emilia laughed as she walked toward him. “You look rather handsome too,” she got close to him and flattened down the lapel of his coat. The sudden proximity between them making the entire situation more real to her. She was stood in front of the infamous Alfie Solomons, who possibly is pestering her brother to pay money or join his gang, and here she was about to go on a date with him.

 

Alfie takes her to a nightclub, new and in the centre of London. She had never seen so many expensive and glamorous people in the same place at once. 

 

Alfie took Emilia to a table where they sat together waiting for someone to come ask them if they would like something to drink.

 

Emilia sat at the table with her lips pressed together, as she looked around. Her hands were clasped together on top of the table. Alfie took on of her hands in his, and she watched as he took it. She hadn’t expected him to be this way, quiet, and intimate, it aroused her slightly.

 

A waiter then came to them and asked them what they wanted to drink. Alfie asked for rum and Emilia asked for gin.

 

The night went on smoothly, as Emilia had dreamt and wished for. They dance, drank and spoke to each other as if they had been doing so for years now as if they had known each other forever.

 

When the time came for Emilia to go home, Alfie drove her there but stopped just a street away. It was what she asked, she didn’t want Eben or Elizabeth to see him outside.

 

“I had a great night,” she says quietly in dark inside the motorcar.

 

“Yeah, I did too.” He got out of the motorcar and then walked around to open the door for her. She stepped out and took his hand, and the walked along the sidewalk with nothing but the streetlamps to guide them.

 

Emilia held his hand in both of hers, feeling his skin, relishing in his closeness, breathing in the cool air and his musk.

 

When they arrive just a few doors down to her own, Alfie stops in his tracks. “I want to see you again.”

 

“As do I.”

 

“Will you let me take you out again?”

 

“Of course, anytime you want, as many as you want.” Emilia got close to him as she looked him in the face. She leaned into him slightly. He took the opportunity and kissed her right there. Long, warm and smooth, and she could tell that he knew how inexperienced she was. But he kissed her anyway, gently, as if to guide her. She melted in his arms, as she placed one hand on his neck, and the other pulled on his lapel.

 

She would never get tired of this, of his kiss, and she wanted more of it. But when she wished for more, something deeper, something rougher, he let go. He moved back to look at her, he had one hand to his cheek and a grin on his face. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t he kissed her forehead and told her goodnight. Emilia walked the few steps left for her door with the ghost of Alfie’s lips on hers on her mind. She couldn’t wait to see him again.

 

* * *

 

 

They were complete and utter fools with each other, constantly sneaking off at night as if they already didn’t see each other during the day as much as they could. Emilia had had a boyfriend once before but it never went as far as holding hands and a chaste kiss on the cheek. But with Alfie, she couldn’t explain what it was like. He was magic to her, like a ticket on a train to wonderland, a ride she’d take every day if she could.

 

Alfie showered her with gifts, though she continued to tell him not to. As it would only bring suspicion to Eben and Elizabeth, but he still did any. He bought her a pair of emerald earrings once, and then a pretty necklace in pearls, another time he bought her a dress, and then another he bought her chocolates.

 

Alfie had to admit as well, he was completely different, like a new man, a shined old penny. Ollie had picked up on his sudden change as well, asking him if he was going to see his new girlfriend, and though he thought that Alfie would get mad at him for mentioning it, Alfie would, in the end, ask Ollie for advice and opinions.

 

Was Alfie a changed man? Maybe not, but Emilia made the whole ride better for him, nicer, more loving and intimate, something he thought he never needed; not since after the war.

 

He would pick Emilia up from her house every night and they would go into town, sometimes they didn’t even go to the club, they would just walk and chat. They’d be arm in arm, close to each other, relishing each other’s company.

 

Emilia knew that her relationship with Alfie was real and that she wanted to take the next step. She knew it was real because sometimes Alfie was all she could think about.

 

Even when she was out working, taking bets, listening to gossip, watching races and boxing matches, where ever she was sent, she thought of him.

 

* * *

 

 

Emilia had given Alfie the details the night before. He was meeting Eben and Elizabeth, and though she had felt bad about leaving Alfie in the dark for so long, Eben and Elizabeth had begun to suspect that she had found herself a boyfriend from all the sneaking around.

 

Emilia hadn’t heard much else about the gangsters that had once bothered her brother, but she assumed now that the whole situation had blown over and there was no longer a problem to worry about. But she truly couldn’t be sure.

 

She was preparing herself for Eben to be completely furious with her, and possibly have a dangerous staredown with Alfie, but she knew that Alfie could take care of himself. He had proven himself fearsome in front of her several times already. But she was also hoping that it wouldn’t come to that.

 

Emilia was sitting on the couch in the sitting room, she had one of the comfort pillows on her lap. She clutched it tightly as she felt her nerves increase as she looked at the grandfather clock and the thin arms of the clocks face inched closer and closer to the time of Alfie’s arrival.

 

“So, are you going to tell us his name at least?” Elizabeth asked as she brought tea to the coffee table between the couch and the armchair that Eben always occupied now that their father couldn’t.

 

“Uh, it’s a surprise,” Emilia said in a flustered tone.

 

“Don’t you think it’s impolite if we don’t know his name when he comes in through the door. And why would meeting this boy be a surprise?” Eben looked unamused, he truly thought that he didn’t need to be there to meet Emilia’s mystery boyfriend. But a chill ran down Emilia’s spine as Eben called Alfie a boy. He was sure to be surprised when Alfie would turn up at their door.

 

A rap came at the door, and Emilia shot right up. She quickly made it to the door before anyone else could. She opened it wide, and Alfie stood there with a basket of bread in his hands.

 

“Hello Love,” he whispered into her ear before he pecked her cheek. Alfie then proceeded to shake Elizabeth’s hand, she looked mildly confused at Alfie, but then at Emilia as well. Eben had a blank look on his face, completely unreadable and Emilia expected that look could be worse than the anger she had been expecting.

 

“Uh, it’s good to meet you. I’m sorry, I don’t know your name, Emilia has opted to not telling us.” Elizabeth said meekly. In another life, maybe she would have approved, he was Jewish and made a good living, but the gangster side would put her off, Emilia was sure of it.

 

“It’s Alfie Solomons, I hope you haven’t heard of me,” Alfie said cheekily.

 

“I’m sorry to disappoint but I have,” Elizabeth gave Alfie a sheepish look, but she didn’t seem all angry or confused anymore. It was concerning, Emilia wasn’t expecting it nor was she prepared.

 

They all sat down to drink some tea and eat biscuits after Emilia had taken the basket of bread from Alfie’s hand and brought it into the kitchen.

 

“How’d you two meet?” It was Eben who asked Alfie, and it was the most words he had spoken since Alfie had entered their home.

 

“We met at a racetrack, a while ago,” Emilia answered for Alfie, as she sat close to him on the couch.

 

“A racetrack?” Elizabeth sounded surprised again. “I didn’t know you went to race tracks,”

 

“I do a lot of things you don’t know,” Emilia said matter-of-factly, as Elizabeth looked at her pointedly.

 

“Do you gamble now too?” she asks.

 

“No, I don’t.”

 

“Mr. Solomons, what is it you do for a living?” Eben asks, his face still blank and his arms crossed in front of him. Emilia looked at her brother with a cross expression as she put her arms around Alfie’s arm. She whispered in Alfie’s ear that he didn’t have to answer her brother. But, Alfie gave her a half-hearted smile and answered anyway.

 

“I run a bakery.”

 

“A bakery, interesting. Does it pay well?” Emilia wanted to shout at her brother, but Alfie’s cool and collectedness was saving her the trouble at that moment.

 

“As a matter of fact it does, we’re as you say ‘expanding’ right now. Business is booming.” The half-smile on Alfie’s face didn’t falter. But Eben kept coming with the comments because he knew that Alfie was a gang leader, a gangster like no other.

 

“My sister, I want her to be taken care of. She doesn’t need to see any kind of struggle.”

 

“Alright, Mr. Meisel.” Alfie looked tired of Eben’s games, and the cane that had rested against the couch was now in Alfie’s hands again as he leaned forward to look at Eben more gravely. “I, despite what you might think, care for Emilia. I want the best things for her. I will never cause her harm because that's not what I want to do. If anyone harms her, it won’t be me. You can be sure of that.”

 

“How can I be sure, if you’ve already brought her into your world.”

 

“But, I haven’t, you see. And I would never, because that’s not how I treat the woman I want to keep close.”

 

“There’s been many women?”

 

“Not enough to keep around,” Alfie wasn’t as heated as before, but he was getting his point across, and Emilia was loving all the knowledge. She knew that Alfie cared for her, but hearing him say it, hearing him declare it in front of her brother and sister was something new and so real. She would never forget it.

 

The night ended with Eben still unsure of Alfie but now civil, and Elizabeth still looking surprised but okay. Emilia thought it had gone rather well to what she had been expecting, but she was relieved that it was over with, relieved that one of her secrets was out in the air, out for the world to know.

 

Emilia walked Alfie outside. She took him by both his hands, and the stood looking at each other, admiring each other's features.

 

“That went a lot better then I expected.”

 

“It did, didn’t it,” Alfie answered, looking up into the sky. Emilia kissed him, and as Alfie responded she wrapped her arms around his neck. She was so relieved.

 

“Hey,” he whispered against her lips.

 

“Yes,” she whispers back.

 

“I love you,” Emilia’s lips curl into a smile against his lips as she hears him say the words. Her cheeks heat up like a school girl and she feels the butterfly’s dance in her stomach.

 

“I love you too,” she whispers back to him.

 

* * *

 

 

Days go by and Eben seemed to loose his grip on his distaste for Emilia’s relationship with Alfie. He begins to speak to his sister again and ask her questions about her day, how her job and boss were treating her and what her plans for the week were. Basic, very simple questions, questions that took little effort to ask, but still there was effort there. An effort that wasn’t there in the last few days.

 

Emilia didn’t like being on her brother or even her sister's bad side. It was difficult to live in the same house when they were like this, but as soon as Eben paid her any attention she eagerly answered his questions and asked him her fair share of questions as well.

 

That was how the day had started, they were eating breakfast at the small table in the kitchen and Emilia was rushing through her food after spending most her time talking. She then left the house and picked up her material and assignment for the day at Mr. Sabini’s office.

 

Rafael gave her a few stops, and then one final assignment for the day, a boxing match.

 

Emilia went through the day, running numbers, visiting a few places on errands and then soon it came time to visit the boxing match.

 

She had a partner for the assignment. She wasn’t exactly a partner but she was the new hiree that Rafael had partnered her up with. Her name was Alice, and she had blonde hair and blue eyes, and a Jewish surname she wasn’t expecting.

 

Emilia went home before it was time for the match. She dolled herself up and then went to pick up Alice at the office so that they could walk to the match together.

 

When they got to the match, Emilia did as she was expected. She told the doorman letting everyone in that she worked for Mr. Sabini, they were let in with ease. Emilia motioned for Alice to follow her and they walked to a betting stand were men and women were shouting and handing their bets to a clerk who was in a state of nerves over how many people were around him. Emilia told Alice to take notes on what she heard, what the popular bets were what the least popular were, and the gossip that was shared around the stand. When Emilia thought they had heard enough, she took Alice by the arm and brought her to one side of the boxing ring to sit in the front row. They were one of the first few people to already be seated.

 

They took off their coats and hung them on the back of their chairs, as they waited comfortably for the match to begin. They chatted about ordinary things, their boyfriends, the cinema, work, and everything in between. They laughed with each other and gossiped, and for a moment Emilia thought she had finally made a proper friend who her siblings and the synagogue grannies didn’t know.

 

Emilia felt a hand on her shoulder, a firm grasp that felt familiar. She turned her head quickly to see who had touched her, though she knew who it was already.

 

“Alfie,” she smiled at him. “What are you doing here?” Emilia looked around to see who was with him. Ollie stood close by with a man she didn’t know.

 

“My nephew is fighting,” Alfie says to her.

 

“Your nephew?” Emilia didn’t know he had a nephew, she thought he didn’t have any living family left.

 

“Yeah,” he says blankly. Emilia turned away from him to look at one of the many posters lined against the walls. She couldn’t tell which one of the men photographed on the posters was Alfie’s nephew but she decided to drop her curiosity, for now, she could ask him later.

 

“You look beautiful,” he whispered low into her ear. His voice had the rasp of a smoker but still sounded so velvety. He kissed her neck from behind, and her cheeks heated to a pink shade. He had never been so intimate in the presence of others especially to people so close. Emilia could see the funny reaction on Alice’s face who sat next to her.

 

“Love,” Emilia said in a low voice as she grabbed Alfie’s arm, hoping he would get the point. She stood up quickly when he didn’t. “Alfie,” she gave him a stern look, but he looked so loved up in the eyes as he looked at her too. “I’ll see you after the match, alright? I’m working right now.”

 

“You’re working?” he smiled with a tilt of his head like he was teasing her.

 

“I’ll see you after, okay?”

 

“Yeah, alright love. But, I want to take you home tonight.” Emilia nodded at his sudden request, and then she kissed his cheek and then he was off.

 

“You’re boyfriend is Alfie Solomons? The gangster?” Alice squeezed Emilia’s arm.

 

“Yeah, he is,” Emilia answered uncomfortably.

 

“Why didn’t you say before?” Alice asked excitedly.

 

“It’s not that important I don’t think,” Alice smirked at her, and then they watched the match.

 

After the match ended, Emilia sent Alice on her way back to the office with both her notes and Emilia’s own. She said she would do Emilia this favour after she overheard what Alfie had said to her.

 

Emilia waited for Alfie to show up again, and when they did they walked outside hand-in-hand until the got in the car and drove to Alfie’s home.

 

* * *

 

 

They sat together and drank in his living room as they talked to each other when they finished their drinks Alfie showed her around his house. Emilia walked in front of him, taking a look in each room and inspecting them silently as Alfie followed her close behind.

 

“How long have you lived alone?” she whispered to him in the hall, though she didn’t have to whisper. It was just them two in the entire house.

 

“It’s been a long while.” He says back in a whisper.

 

The walk a bit longer until they’re back down the hall. “I have to call home, Elizabeth will be worried about me.”

 

“Yeah, alright, the telephone is just downstairs.” Emilia nods, feeling the sudden tension throughout the house. She walked down the stairs without Alfie and gave Elizabeth a call. She gave her an excuse, a lie, she said she had to work late, and that she would sleep at a co-workers house who lived close to the office. Elizabeth was tired on the phone and didn’t give the excuse a second thought.

 

Emilia made her way back up the stairs, knowing exactly what she was about to walk into.

 

* * *

 

 

Emilia walked down the hall and entered the room with the door slightly open. It’s Alfie’s bedroom, he’s looking out his window as Emilia looks around his bedroom. There’s a wide bed in the centre of the room, a bookshelf along on side of the room and a fireplace on the other. There's a chair by the window where Alfie stood as well. Emilia sits down on the bed for a moment but then gets up to stand next to him in front of the window.

 

She wraps an arm around his waist and he does the same to her. She notices him in a different light then, he was just wearing a light dress shirt, the three tops buttons unbuttoned. More skin then she had ever seen was exposed to her. He wasn’t wearing his hat either, and his kippa was gone too. His hair was a bit of a mess, but it aroused her all the same.

 

Emilia removed her arm from his waist and took off her hat, putting it on the chair next to them. She then removed her coat and tossed it on the chair as well, all while looking Alfie intently in his blue-green eyes. Alfie then realized what she was doing, and helped her out of her blouse.

 

Emilia helped Alfie out of his shirt. They undressed together slowly, and then quickly kissed each other as if they had been deprived of it before. They kissed fervently, melting into each other, bare skin against bare skin. They soon moved toward the bed, Alfie guiding her the best he could. She didn’t want to seem so inexperienced, though Alfie already knew she was.

 

Alfie is sweet and gentle, whispering sweet words in her ear as they perform together. Emilia had only ever heard about what sex was second hand, she didn’t know it could feel this good. Maybe it wasn’t the same for everyone? Maybe Alfie was just that good at it, she didn’t know. But she was enjoying herself apart from the first bit of discomfort she felt when he entered her. But now they were breathing hard against each other, moaning into each other's ears.

 

Emilia couldn’t be any happier, she didn’t want to share this with anyone else. Alfie was her first and her last, and she was glad of it because she wanted no one else.

 

* * *

 

 

Emilia wakes up the next morning with Alfie wrapped around her body. She had her face against his chest, breathing in his warm, musky scent. She could live there forever, in enveloped by him, the man she loved. She was completely naked, but she didn’t move her body hoping that she wouldn’t rub up against him the improper way. She ended up going back to sleep, but when she woke again Alfie was no longer next to her. She extended her hand to feel the cool side of the bed where Alfie was. She lifted her head, her eyes blurry as she made sense of her surroundings.

 

She heard the telephone ring downstairs and the rings stop after the two, Alfie had to have picked it up, she thought.

 

Emilia turned over in the bed, wrapping the sheets around her necked frame. Soon she heard footsteps just outside the bedroom and she turned her head over too see Alfie enter the room. He stands in the doorway after opening the door, a confused expression on his face, almost more like heartache. He has a gun in his hand, and Emilia’s eyes widen. She sits up in bed, wrapping the sheet around her tightly.

 

“Alfie,” she starts, and he walks right into the room. He wasn't wearing a lot of clothes either.

 

“Alfie,” she says again as he didn’t respond before. “What’s going on?”

 

“Who do you work for?” He says as he paces the room. Emilia gets up from the bed and puts on her brassiere and underwear. She drops her sheet and walks to the chair where she begins to put on her clothes. She wasn’t allowed to tell just anyone who she worked for, not even her boyfriend. Rafael had always made sure she only used Mr. Sabini’s name when she needed it, only with people who needed to know. “Emilia,” his voice is sterner, and she winces at the sound of it. “Who do you work for.” She’s not afraid, but she’s not happy either. He’s not pointing the gun at her, but he’s holding it because of her. She was suspecting now that Alfie already knew who she worked for, he just needed her to confirm it.

 

Sabini must be an enemy of Alfie’s, and now she was in the middle of it. Caught up in another lie, or another thing she should have mentioned long ago.

 

“Emilia, tell me,” he grabs her by the arms before she had the chance to put her blouse back on.

 

“I,” she starts but she doesn’t know if she can finish. She wanted to tell him, she really did. The look in his eyes looked sad, pained like he didn’t want to know anyway but she knew she had to tell. Because she loved him, and she wanted to trust him no matter what Sabini’s relationship with Alfie was. “I work as a secretary–for uh–an Italian man.”

 

“What’s his name, Mia.” His voice came out soft, he had used her nickname, the one he reserved when he sweet talked her. She couldn’t deny him when he looked so hurt this way.

 

“His name is Darby Sabini.” He looked down to the floor and dropped his gun on the armchair.

 

“You should go,” he says in the same tone as before.

 

“Why, what's going on?”

 

“Please, Mia.” He says in a tone that she now understood. She picked up the rest of her clothes and put them on, she put her handbag over her shoulder and her hat in her hands. She could cry, but she didn’t want to show him that part of her yet.

 

She walked out of the room without another word, she went down the stairs and walked out on to the street. She could hear Alfie follow her, but she didn’t turn to see him or say goodbye, she was more heartbroken that he was sending her away, especially because of what they had shared together the night before. She thought it had sparked something new between them, but now she thought she was wrong.

 

* * *

 

 

Emilia only walked a few steps down the street until a car pulled up beside her and two men walked out and put their hands on her. Emilia shouted loudly but no one around her did a thing. She didn’t have time to see if Alfie had followed her out by the time the men were dragging her into the car and forcing her to sit inside between two men.

 

She wasn’t going to cry, no chance. She sat there quietly, knowing exactly who was behind it. It could be no one else. It wasn’t Alfie despite everything that had transpired that morning, but Mr. Sabini her boss. She wasn’t strong enough to put up a fight with the two men that dragged her into the car, and she wasn’t strong enough to fight her way out of the care with four men around her. She knew she was in trouble, and she didn’t know what to do to get herself out of it.

 

When the motorcar stops, shes in a location familiar to her but not familiar enough for her to be comfortable. Sabini’s henchmen grab her by the arms before she can escape after she gets out of the car, they then bring her inside the “office” and bring her to a back room. They through her inside and lock the door from the outside, leaving her trapped there. She shouts for them to let her out, but nothing happens. The room is rather small. With one average sized window in the centre back wall, with nothing inside to furnish it. There were no chairs, no table, just empty space. There was nothing there to help her escape. There was nothing heavy for her to throw at the window to break it, nothing to unlock the door. She wanted to cry for real this time, but still, she didn’t. She paced around the bare room as Alfie had back in his bedroom.

 

She wondered if Alfie had seen her get handled by the henchmen, ‘no’ she thought. She knew that if Alfie had seen, he wouldn’t have let her be taken by then. She hoped that was the case. She continues to pace the room for what feels like an hour to her.

 

She contemplated what she should do, what will happen, what she should say if Sabini or someone else came into the room, she wondered if Sabini was going to kill her. Was being Alfie’s girlfriend worthy of that sort of thing. Alfie did come to her with a gun in hand, but he had never pointed it at her. Maybe it was a precaution? Maybe he thought that she would pull a gun out on him. But she had never wielded a gun before, she didn’t know how she’d probably end up shooting herself.

 

The door shook open, and shocked her out of her thoughts, she stepped back instinctively, the fear showing on her face when she was hoping to be a blank slate of mystery. Mr. Sabini walked in first, and then two men behind him with two chairs with them. They closed the door behind them and then set the two chairs facing each other. One of the men pushed Emilia down into the chair, and Sabini took a seat in the other.

 

She wants to speak, but she doesn’t know what to say. Mr. Sabini leaned forward for a moment just to look at her, and then he leant backward when he was ready to speak.

 

“Did you double cross me?” Emilia was instantly confused.

 

“What? What are you talking about?”

 

“Don’t play dumb with me, Meisel. You worked for Alfie Solomons before me didn’t you. You took the job after playing the poor Jewish girl looking for a job so that you would have insight into my operations.”

 

“Are you mad? Why would I double cross you, I only met Alfie through work. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Let me go! Now!” she shouts the end because now she’s tired and now she knows she playing around with foolish men. Men who don’t understand her and don't understand each other.

 

“Don’t you raise your voice at me. You’re the one in trouble here.”

 

“I don’t work for Alfie, I never have.”

 

“But you’re still seeing him now, are your playing the part of his little girlfriend for money or is that for real as well.”

 

“I’m no whore.” She hisses at him. “I only work for you and no one else. But as of this moment, I resign. How could anyone work for a man that does the absolute worst to their employees.”

 

“You can’t resign.”

 

“Oh, yes I bloody well can. I’ve just done it now. So, let me go.”

 

“You’re staying right here. You’re valuable to me now.”

 

“No, I’m not. Just release me or I’ll reveal all your illegal activities to the police, to the ministry, to the world, whoever may hear me.”

 

“Better reason to keep you here, and you have no proof.”

 

“I do, I keep a notebook of bets, did you forget.”

 

“No, I didn’t forget. Because Alice brought it to the office just last night after she told Rafael who you had been seen with.” Emilia wanted to choke herself after that bit of information. How could Alice have known that given that bit of information to Rafael would lead her to this situation? Or maybe she had done it on purpose, just for this reason. Emilia didn’t know for sure. “So, really you have no proof at all, whatsoever.”

 

Sabini smiled at her a slimy smile, then he slapped her so quick and hard that she saw stars. She puts her hand to her cheek, feeling the instant burn and sting, and pressed on it. She could cry now, she felt the pools of water lingering there already, she wanted to curse him. But she was quiet as she tried to compose herself after the blow. When her hands moved away from her face she spat at Sabini, aiming for her face. He landed another blow to the same cheek, and she knew it was futile to fight him.

 

She wondered what Eben and Elizabeth were doing if they wondered what she was doing.

 

She wondered what Alfie was doing if he was thinking about her, if he was looking for her.

 

She thought Sabini might kill her today.

 

She holds onto her cheek, the tears spilling now. She couldn’t control it any longer. She was afraid and she was alone, uncertain. The two extra men in the room tie her hands behind her, and she knew that this wasn't nowhere near a good sign, a sign for survival.

 

“Do with her what you want,” Sabini says to his men. Panic floods her like nothing else had before. Emilia begins to scream as one of the men rip the buttons off her blouse exposing one of her shoulders. She couldn’t let it come down to this, never.

 

“Please, please! Mr. Sabini. I’ll leave the country. You’ll never hear from me again. I won’t be a problem for you. I swear it. Please, don’t do this.” She cries.

 

“You know, the reason I hired you was because first, you’re Jewish, and second, you’re very much Alfie’s preference in a woman. I would know, we went to school together. I was planning to use you, once you had proven yourself loyal to me, to get information from Alfie, to kill him if I needed you too. But then, sweet Alice came along and told me your secret. Then I knew I couldn’t trust you, I still don’t trust you now. You’re Alfie’s woman.”

 

“How can I prove myself, I will not cross you again.” She lied because she wanted to survive. She wanted to live to see another day. To see Eben and Elizabeth. To see Alfie.

 

“You’ll spy for me, spy on Alfie. You’re already right in the doorway of his heart, aren’t you? It’ll be easy work for good pay.” Emilia nodded, though after that morning she knew a stunt like that would never work on Alfie, and she didn’t want to do it either. She was lying and she was ready to leave the country.

 

“I’ll spy for you.”

 

“People agree to many things when what they hold dear is on the line. Don’t you think, sweet Emilia?”

 

Emilia didn’t say a word. But they released her from the bonds. She walked out of the room, wiping her tears away from eyes quickly. Trying to look as dignified as possible, but it was proving to be difficult for Emilia. The entire morning had taken its toll on her and now she just wanted leave and never be seen by anyone again. She wanted to cry for eternity until her body ran dry.

 

She was destroyed.

 

* * *

 

 

Emilia walked home with nothing on her mind, not even a plan. She was a mess, a ghost of a person. When she entered her home, she ignored her sister in the sitting room and walked up to the stairs. She walked into her bedroom and closed the door behind her. She put her purse down and didn’t even make it to her bed when she started crying again. She couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t handle what she had just been through.

 

She leaves her bedroom for the bathroom. She strips her clothes after closing the door behind her and turns the taps for the tub. It fills with warm water and then she slips her body inside, feeling the water clean off Sabini’s henchmen’s touch, cleaning off Sabini’s touch, and Alfie’s too.

 

She continued to cry, and she couldn’t stifle the sobs enough. A knock was soon on the door.

 

“Mia? Are you alright in there?” Elizabeth spoke from the other side of the door. Emilia didn’t even have the strength to stop crying to answer her without rousing any suspicion. She held back her sobs with her hands and let her body slip into the water. Elizabeth didn’t make another sound, but Emilia could hear her footsteps leave in the opposite direction.

 

Once she cried herself out, and her fingers and toes had pruned from the water, she dunked her body into the tub letting the water run over her face and hair. She knew she looked like a mess, tired, with swollen eyes. She ducked her head a few times, and soon another knock came at the door. Emilia didn’t answer, because she had no energy to deal with her sister.

 

But the door rattled for a second longer then she had expected and her head shot up to the door. She didn’t think Elizabeth would find a way to unlock the door from the outside. That wasn’t like her. She sunk her body deeper into the water so just her eyes would peek over the rim of the tub.

 

The door jostled open and then swung wide. Alfie stood in the doorway, and then with speed, she wasn’t expecting he picked her up from the bath, her nakedness on display. Her sister was behind them in the doorway, looking uncomfortable and unsure of whether she was okay with Alfie having picked her naked sister up that way.

 

“What are you doing? Why didn’t you answer your sister? Are you hurt?” all his questions came out in a blur. Elizabeth side handed Emilia the towel she had brought in before her bath, Emilia wrapped it around herself as Alfie let go of her. Elizabeth then handed her a bathrobe, just for good measure, and Emilia put it on to appease her sister.

 

Emilia looked at Alfie, not sure as to where to begin with his questions. She sighed, more out of relief and looked to the ground knowing that the tears would come again.

 

She put one hand to her eyes and began to sob. Alfie took her shoulder and brought her closer to him, hugging her tightly to his chest.

 

“Mia, we can help you. Just tell us what’s wrong.” Elizabeth says as she drains the tub of water and begins to clean up after her distraught sister. But Alfie is beginning to think that he is the source of all of Emilia’s anguish.

 

“You–can’t–help–me,” she says through sobs against Alfie’s chest. Elizabeth begins to guide Alfie away from the bathroom, as he tucked Emilia to his side and comforted her.

 

They reach Emilia’s bedroom and she rubs the tears from her eyes.

 

Emilia had a suitcase underneath her bed, and as she let go of Alfie she moved to retrieve it from there. She dropped the suitcase on her bed, and stared at it for a moment, wiping more stray tears away.

 

“I got into some trouble.” She says to both of them. “I have to leave. I’m going to America.”

 

“What? What are you on about?” Alfie says confused, he even looks back to Elizabeth to see if she is just as confused as he, and she is.

 

“I–Sabini–he did some things, and the only way I thought I could save myself is if I told him that I would spy for him, on you. So I told him I would.” Alfie looks at her with concern, for her and not himself. “You know I could never do that, not even after what he did to me. So I have to go. If I want to live.”

 

“I can protect you, Mia,” Alfie says quickly, willing her to stay.

 

“No, you can’t, Alfie. You know you can’t.” Alfie looks lost and hurt, as Emilia begins to move around her bedroom picking up clothes and other things to put in her suitcase.

 

“You won’t be safe in America. There are many gangsters and criminals there.”

 

“But none know me.” She’s closing her suitcase and then turns to him, still in her bathrobe. “I love you, Alfie, more than anything, but I can’t stay here. I’m not strong enough.” Alfie takes her hands in his and kisses them briefly, his beard tickling her hands.

 

“Please stay, love,” she shakes her head at him, already made up in her mind. If she left Alfie was far safer as well. It was a win-win. She told them she needed to change clothes and ordered them out.

 

She used the brief moment alone to finally formalize her plan. Her savings could get her to New York, and get her started in a hostel or somewhere else. But it wouldn’t last forever, she needed a job to survive. She didn’t even know how long she would stay. Forever maybe? Or just until the heat on her back from Sabini died down. She didn’t even know when that would be. But she was going anyway. After she finished dressing and brushed out her hair. She took her suitcase down the stairs and said goodbye to her sister and Alfie one last time as she made the trip alone to America.

 

* * *

 

 

A year of struggle in an unknown land passes. Emilia knew that if she hadn’t face any struggles, she might have been in the wrong place. She heard once or twice that America was the land of opportunity, and at sometimes she truly believed it. But at others she felt homesick, she felt sick of America, she thought she’d go home a lot earlier after almost breaking from the struggle. But in the end, she persisted. She was now back in Camden Town, looking like a new woman, in new clothes, new shoes, new makeup and new suitcase. She was nervous, but she had been waiting for this moment for so long that she couldn’t wait to see them as well.

 

Emilia knocked on the door to her brother's house. Two raps were all it took for the door to swing open, and an unknown man appeared.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I think I’ve got the wrong house.” She steps back, almost leaving completely until the man stops her.

 

“No, no! I know you. Well–I know your face. I’m Benjamin.” Benjamin stuck his hand out for her to shake.

 

“Hello, Benjamin. I must go now.” She says awkwardly.

 

“No, wait. What I’m saying is, this is your house. Come in,” Emilia widened her eyes slightly but stepped through the threshold into her sitting room. It was her house.

 

Elizabeth came through the kitchen doorway, her arms outstretched.

 

“Oh, Mia. I’m so happy your back. So much happened while you were away.” Elizabeth released her from the hug. “You look like a new woman!” she grins. “Oh, right. This is Benjamin. We’re–uh–seeing each other.” Emilia smiles goofily.

 

“Is he really?”

 

“Yes, he is.” Elizabeth almost shied away.

 

“A lot has changed. But, where’s Eben?”

 

“You know, he was furious you left without telling him, it lasted maybe a month, and then after that, he never failed to mention you, or ask about you every day.”

 

“I regret not saying goodbye, I was a bit impulsive was I?”

 

“Yeah, alright. But you were scared and we understood.”

 

“Alfie came by as much as he could, more often then Eben wanted him too.” Elizabeth laughed. “I gave him a call after Sabini came by.”

 

“Sabini? He came here?”

 

“Yeah, he did. But nothing happened, I promise. Alfie made sure nothing would. He’s got good intentions, I could tell he loved you.” Emilia picked up on the past tense of love. Maybe Alfie had moved on, maybe he had a new girlfriend.

 

Eben walked down the stairs then, he looked cross, and he walked all the way to meet Emilia with that stern look. He hugged fiercely anyway, with that stern look on his face. Emilia hugged him back tightly.

 

“Don’t you dare ever do that again, you hear me?” Emilia nodded and continued to hug her brother. She was so relieved to be home, surrounded by people she really knew, people she trusted. Trusting was hard in America, especially after everything she had been through.

 

But, Alfie had been on her mind the entire time. There wasn’t a day where she didn’t forget him. Small things would remind her of him. When she waitressed, the smell of smoke, of cigars, of rum and whiskey, they all reminded her of him. When she went to the synagogue, she was reminded of him. When she went to the bakery to pick up her weekly groceries, still she thought of him. He never escaped her mind, once. She was wondering now if it was the same for him, or if he was well and done with her.

 

Emilia spent the day in the house, getting reacquainted with her old haunt. She spent all her time talking to her brother and sister, and her sister's new boyfriend. They ate and laughed, and listened to the radio, everything felt good, like normal.

 

It was already dark out when Emilia had set herself up in her old bedroom. She was debating whether she should go to sleep or to see if Alfie was home. It took her a solid hour before she made up her mind after pacing her bedroom, and looking out the window contemplating what she should do.

 

She put her coat on and hung her handbag over her shoulder. She pinned her hat in place, her hair was longer then when she had seen Alfie last. She took the night stroll down the main roads lit by lamp posts. She wasn’t afraid this time around, no one would be looking for her.

 

Once she made it to Alfie’s home, she stood in front of his door wondering what exactly she was meant to say. She knew she should have thought about it before, but now that she was here her mind grew blank.

 

The door swung open before she had even thought of anything good to say. She looked up, wide-eyed at Alfie who stood in the doorway, as if he were on his way somewhere.

 

He looked at her with a mild expression, as if he didn’t recognize her, but it only took him a second more before he did. His eyes lit up with a fervour she was not expecting. He looked so happy in that moment, Emilia couldn’t help but feel just as happy as he.

 

He pulls her in roughly and kisses her hard on the lips. She instantly melts into him, she knew she had been craving his touch for a long time, but finally being in his arms again gave her a sense of relief she never thought would have come to her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, wanting to be as close to him as possibly. But when he let go of her to look her in the eyes, she felt the instant absence of him.

 

“Emilia, when did you get here?” he says in a tone sounding out of breath.

 

“Just–just this morning,” she was out of breath too.

 

“I’ve missed you, more than you’ll ever know.” Emilia looked down at his words, feeling instantly guilty about her decisions.

 

“I’m sorry,” she starts, her face was warily and sad, like Alfie had remembered it. “I shouldn’t have left the way I did.”

 

“You don’t have to be sorry. I understand, I’m just glad you’re back.” He took Emilia’s hand and brought her inside his home. “You are staying, right?” he says hopeful. Emilia’s smiles at him without answering his question. “I want to see you everyday, I’ll marry you if I have to. Just stay with me.” Emilia laughs at his desperation.

 

“Alfie,” she chastises. “I’m not marrying you, but I will stay. You don’t have to worry about where I am.”

 

* * *

 

 

Emilia finds it easy to get back into the step of her old life, living with her siblings, seeing Alfie every night, but when it came to looking for another job she was out of luck again. It seemed that everyone in all of Camden knew that she had worked for Sabini prior to leaving for America despite her never telling anyone but Alfie and Elizabeth. She couldn’t say that she had experience in being a secretary anymore because it would only raise questions, so now she was back to step one.

 

In America, she worked as a housekeeper, and the management liked her enough that even after five months of work, they promoted her. It was only an extra dollar in pay, but it still meant the world to her. It wasn’t hard to look for work as a housekeeper in New York, but she knew it would be much harder in Camden, but possibly easier out in the rest of London. But she was afraid to venture out to far, just in case someone recognized her.

 

Emilia met Alfie in the evening with a disappointed look on her face, she couldn’t hide it for his sake because it felt like she’d done a lot just for nothing.

 

“What’s that face for?” he asks over the food he had just put in his mouth. Emilia moved her food across her plate with her silverware.

 

“I–just–I can’t seem to find a job, and I don’t want to use Sabini’s name to get one so now it seems I have no job experience and I–I’m not that happy about it.”

 

“Why don’t you come work for me?” he says nonchalantly. He puts more food in his mouth before he looks up at Emilia from across the table.

 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

 

“Yeah, ‘right, but then we get to see each other every day–”

 

Emilia laughed. “Alfie, we already see each other every day.”

 

“‘Right, but it’d get to see you more, which is rather good.”

 

“It is, I guess.” Emilia toyed with him, Alfie smiled in return.

 

“I won’t push yeh, but if you want it, it’s there for yeh.”

 

“Sure, I’ll take it. Why not? What could go wrong?” Emilia half-joked, she took Alfie’s hand from over the table and squeezed it tight. She was happy that he was still on her side, that he still loved her, wanted her.

 

* * *

 

Days go by, and Emilia settles down in her new job as Alfie’s secretary. This time, she really is one. She sits down at a desk, she answers phone calls, takes messages for Alfie, and schedules appointments, along with receiving orders for ingredients for rum and having contacts from around the united kingdom and even America on how much Alfie was selling his rum for and if he was making other stuff too. It was a good mixture of both, safe and unsafe, just enough to feel like she was truly contributing to Alfie’s business.

 

Alfie pulled her into his office that day, and though she had told him that she didn’t want to play the office romance and they could save it all for when they left work, she was hoping for a bit of action then.

 

But Alfie sat down ungracefully in his chair behind his desk and rubbed his eyes as if he had just contracted a horrible headache of a problem.

 

“What’s wrong, love?” Emilia asks as she sits down in the chair on the other side of his desk.

 

“Sabini knows you’re back, someone’s opened their mouth about you. I don’t know if its anyone here in the bakery or anywhere else in Camden. But, he knows.” Emilia’s skin goes cold. She had left her post with Sabini without a word, out of fear he would harm her if she didn’t follow his orders. And now after she had done just that, she was back in his line of fire. “I don’t want you going out alone. You have to be with someone always, alright?” he gets up from his chair to rub his eyes. And then he moves around his desk to take Emilia’s hand. “Don’t go anywhere without me. And,” he paused, he looked hurt. “Don’t run away.”

 

Emilia stood up from her chair and kissed Alfie’s cheek tenderly. “I won’t leave you.” Alfie nodded at her, and they finalized what they were going to do to prevent a tragedy between them.

 

* * *

 

 

It didn’t take long for Sabini to pay Alfie a visit to the bakery. He came with four men, Rafael being one of them. Emilia could see from the crack in the door. She wasn’t allowed to show her face, for her safety of course, and she was now hiding in Alfie’s office doing her best not to make a sound.

 

“I know you know where she is,” Sabini said.

 

“Yeah, well, even if I did, I wouldn’t even tell yeh, would I, so I don’t see why you're telling me this. What are you here for, just say it, put it out in the open. I’ll listen, mate.” Alfie was great at speaking, he could see just enough to confuse or unsettle someone and it was a delight for Emilia to listen in. She never got that side of him with good reason.

 

“Stop playin’ around Alfie!” he raised his voice slightly. “Your girl is trouble, she promised me something I didn’t get, and I want her back.”

 

“Yeah, okay, sorry but I can’t help you.”

 

“Let me make my self clear. If you don’t hand her over, if you don’t tell me where she is, if you don’t help me with this, it will be bad for business.”

 

“You’re threatening me.” Alfie almost laughed. But then he was silent, and Emilia knew it was not a good sign. “Emilia will stay with me as long as she wants, she’s not your problem. What you should do, eh, is keep my girls name out of your fuckin’ mouth.”

 

Emilia didn’t hear anything from Sabini in return, no returning threatening remark, no questions, no insults, no answers. Emilia was beginning to think they had walked away from a hearing distance but she was too afraid to crack the door open to see. But then someone spoke again on the other side of the door, almost making Emilia jump from surprise. She pressed her lips tight so to not make a sound.

 

“You know Alfie,” Sabini voice came out softer then the mood had dictated. Though his voice was soft, it still sounded menacing. “Emilia,” he stressed her name, especially after Alfie told him not to use it. “She worked for me for quite some time. She agreed to be my spy, and she had been spying on you and reporting back to me. And the greatest thing is that she didn’t even have to try to get into your circle, she’s very good at her job I must say.” He was lying, and Emilia couldn’t stand being in Alfie’s office while he was out there lying about her. She wanted to storm into the room and spit in his face one last time.

 

There’s silence again, and it makes Emilia’s stomach turn. Why hadn’t Alfie said anything? Was he going to defend her or not? She didn’t want to stand in Alfie’s office anymore, but she had too.

 

Emilia heard heavy footsteps. It had to be Alfie, pacing maybe? Emilia put her ear to the door. Sabini was probably thinking that he won, because of Alfie’s quietness.

 

“You know what. I already knew she was, but still, I kept her near. She’s always gonna be by my side, she could betray me a million more times and I’d still keep her close.”

 

“You’re a fool, Alfie. You don’t think I have the upper hand?” it was followed by more silence. But then a heavy door sounded, and it appeared that someone may have left, but she wasn’t completely sure. Alfie had defended her in the end, and she wanted to run to him, but she stayed in his office.

 

Emilia hadn’t betrayed Alfie ever, but still hearing it from him, she understood him. She felt the same, Alfie could push her away a million times and she would allow him back with open arms. She truly loved him no matter what happened, whether it was his business or just anything between them. He was the only man for her, and she was the only woman for him.

 

Emilia stumbled back after Alfie’s door opened suddenly. She takes a look at Alfie once, and then throws herself on top of him, hugging him as tightly as she could.

 

“Alfie,” she says as he slowly puts her down. “I never betrayed, I would never anyway.”

 

“It doesn't matter if you did or not, because I love you anyway.”

 

“I love you more.” He grinned wolfishly, pressed his lips feverishly against hers.

 

“So, what? Should we get married then? Cause I’d really like to marry you.”

 

“Yeah, sure why not? I don’t want to live with my brother and sister forever, anyway.” Alfie laughed at her response.

 

“Is that just it? You don’t wanna live with Eben and Lizzie anymore so you’re settling for me.”

 

“No,” she says with a cheeky grin. “I want to wake up by you every morning, I want to see you every day, eat with you every day, maybe have a little baby that looks just like you too.”

 

“Really?” Alfie’s eyebrows raise.

 

“Really.” Emilia smiled widely at him, her eyes shining brighter than ever before.

 

“Why don’t we bloody get started then!”


End file.
